callmeloquacious

For most of my life I never felt like I had great testimony. If you aren’t familiar with the lingo, it’s your personal “come to Jesus” moment. I grew up in church. I didn’t have a “I was going down a dark road and then…” story to tell. I just knew God from an early age. I watched my parents love Jesus. I loved Jesus. It’s how it was. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not upset that I didn’t have a tragic upbringing. I just never felt like it would tell a story.

Ironically, it was in the middle of sorrow that I learned about the profound love of God. How is it that I knew God my whole life, but it wasn’t until I was in the middle of the worst circumstances I really met Him? It was a “see what I will do” moment. 

That moment for me was May 17, 2019. It was the morning I awoke to find Clayton had died. I have learned so many things since that moment. If we are looking to grow and change, in the course of six years we should learn many things.

Recently my Aunt Ellen went to heaven.  In December 2014 she had a massive stroke. It changed her life. A few months later, she and my Aunt Janet moved in with me. For the past 11 years I have had the privilege of having them both close to me.  While they lived with me (before I was married) we were roommates. We were friends. They were my beloved aunts. At some point I became another sister. Although the youngest, I was the bossiest. That title I still proudly carry. (Someone has to keep things moving around here!)

It was just 2 weeks ago, on October 16th when things changed. I had taken both aunts for a regular doctor’s visit. Aunt Ellen was eating well and seemed to be moving better so we wanting to look into physical therapy. 

While we were in the office, Aunt Ellen seemed to suddenly have what we always called TIAs – in short a mini stroke. In the past these would only last a minute or two and then she would be back to herself. This time was different. 

The ambulance was called and she was taken to the hospital.

Over the next 24 hours we received a lot of information. Initially we were hopeful. And then we were not.

She had experienced a major stroke on the opposite side of her first stroke. Unless there was a miracle she would never recover. 

I believe in some form or another all of us have had that moment. That “Even if” moment. The moment where we decide what stuff our faith is made of.  Is it only if things are good will I love God. Is it when I get my way. Or, is it even if things don’t go like I want I will trust you, and still sing the praises of the God who is good. 

There are things we carry with us wherever we go. They are the moments that define us, make us who we are. For some it may be a combination of small and big life moments. For some it is the heaviness of loss and disappointment. It can also be the remembrance of joyous events. 

I will tell you what I carry. I carry with me heartache over Clayton and the loss of my first baby. But that’s not all. I carry with me the hope that comes from knowing that their stories did not end. In truth they just began a new chapter in heaven with Jesus. I carry with me the knowledge that I will see them again.  

Those moments were a punch in the gut. They left me breathless. Left me brokenhearted. The also gave me a new perspective. Gave me a new purpose. It was then I met peace. 

It has taken years for me to be where I am. God has given me peace. With God I’m also learning about who I am. Who I can be with His help. Here in 2025- the year to thrive. (It rhymes you know). I’m doing things that make me nervous. Push me out of my comfort zone. I have a story to tell. A hope to spread.  I am purposely finding joy in all the little things. (Even as I sit in the room with my 3 oldest, waiting for them to go to sleep and instead they wax philosophical…). I’m learning that who I am is who God made me to be. I’m learning to let people get to know the real me. That’s scary. (I can be a little weird.) Hey, but here we are!

I will now carry with me the memories of my Aunt Ellen. I know she is now really living her best life. I’m certain she’s singing again. I’m also certain Clayton gave her a grand tour and made a banner for her birthday.

So, my friends. What do you carry? Is it a burden you can lay down? Is it a memory or a moment that has made you who you are? Do you carry a message, or a story to tell? I’ll listen. I’ll carry it with you.

I know how it feels to be drowning. And I know how it feels to be saved. 

If you need a line, know you can reach out to me. 

And, if you come over, I will always have a pitcher of sweet tea.