callmeloquacious

March 3rd, two weeks ago today, is what I call my (8th) “Holyfield” anniversary. Honey asked me that morning if I was okay. And he’s asked me days since. I answered, “yes,” because, yes, I was okay. And, yes, I am okay. Somehow, though, without thinking about it I had the need to hole up. To make walls and find a safe place to hide for a while. So, I go quiet. (In this space it would mean that I didn’t, couldn’t write.)

There are things that we carry with us wherever we go.

Early last week I sat outside on our porch swing. The weather was amazing. It was sunny and breezy. Perhaps, not officially, but spring is here. Daffodils are everywhere. My boys were playing in the “sand-pool” (we need more sand, and possibly a sturdier pool). It felt like a perfect moment. A moment of joy to carry with me wherever I go.

Life is messy. It can flip from good to bad in a moment, a minute, a second. We have to choose who to be. What to be. I am finding myself working to figure it out. Figure out how to act. How to respond. The only way I know how to do this is with God’s help.

I’ve taken my boys on “bear hunts.” In these imaginary hunts there are always obstacles. “Can’t go over it. Can’t go around it. Must go through it.” We pull out our backpack stuffed full of necessities. From there we determine what can be used to help get us to the other side. Life is the same. There are obstacles, events, we encounter and we must go through them. Fortunately, I always have Jesus in the darkness. In the spaces where no one else can go with us, there is always Jesus.

Where to from here? I’ll keep moving ahead. Sometimes accepting the need for the silence. Enjoying the sunshine and loving the times with all the boys. I’ll carry with me the memories of it all. And, perhaps in the meantime, we’ll figure out how to rig up a more solid “sand-pool.”

Always,