callmeloquacious

We often say that God works in mysterious ways. I feel as though my life is a testament to that. He is mysterious, but He’s also very good.

After Clayton, I was certain there would be no one else for me. I had waited so long to get married the first time, and that itself felt miraculous. I did not expect a second miracle of a similar nature to occur.

I was focused on-one-day-at-a-timing, or (at moments) one-minute-at-a-timing. Two weeks after Clayton went to heaven I was back to work. The normalcy helped. I would send my list of “10 things to accomplish today,” to my people. Some days the list would include items such as, “Get up,” and “Go to bed.” But still, the accountability helped me to keep moving- not always forward, but moving nonetheless.

I had planned to see my best friend Melissa in Nebraska over the summer. I spoke to Melissa and informed her of my visit dates. She then mentioned a golf tournament occurring that same week. A friend from college, Ricky, would be joining her husband’s team. We’d be hanging out with him and Tony (another friend) a few days that week too, playing cards, eating out. No big thing.

Except I knew. I knew that there was “someone” that she thought I should meet when the time was right. When I was ready. And I knew that this Ricky was one I had a secret crush on in college. The no big thing felt like a very big thing.

I had several days with Melissa and family before Ricky’s arrival. Tony and Ricky came over later in the week, as expected. I found myself nearly panicking in the bathroom, and I took a few minutes to collect myself. And then, I walked out of the bathroom, me and my glorious self and “met” Ricky.

Our group talked and played games. Our final night we went out to eat (for some of the best pulled pork nachos ever). The next day we went our separate ways, but Ricky and I became buddies. We texted about nothing, about the days’ events, about prayer requests. Then, we started talking on a daily basis. Sometimes it was five minutes. Sometimes it was two hours. Sometimes it was about nothing. Sometimes it was everything. Overtime he became my best friend.

Walker was born on December 24th. My mom and I planned a trip to Arkansas and Texas for the first part of March. Walker and I would be released to travel at that time. We would visit our Arkansas and Texas family. And as it turned out, we would also see Ricky.

The Holyfields are my family and so they had to know about Ricky. I sat in the Holyfield kitchen with my Betty and cried. She sat across from me waiting with expectation for the news I wanted to give her in person. I told her I met someone.
“Do you want me to cry with you?” she asked laughing. “Your dad Bob and your sister need to meet him.” Two days later, Ricky drove up and picked me up for our first date. He met not only my mom, but also my second mom and dad (Bob and Betty). A few days later I met all of Ricky’s family. As his family (parents, sisters, niece, nephews) held, and snuggled both of my little boys, I knew they’d be okay. I knew we’d be okay.

Of course there is more. There is always more. I’m leaving out the visits and plans. The hellos and goodbyes. Of Ricky visiting my family in Indiana (meeting my dad). I’m leaving out the house hunting in Arkansas, the selling of my house and my parents’. I’m jumping ahead to July 7th, 2020.

In celebration of selling our houses, my parents and I and my boys were going to eat at Olive Garden. Oddly, my parents were out of the car quickly, leaving me to handle both of the boys. I held Hunter’s hand and carried Walker’s carseat and walked down the sidewalk. I noticed my mom taking pictures of me as we walked. And then, suddenly, I realized she wasn’t taking pictures of only me. There was Ricky standing in front of me. And then kneeling in front of me. I don’t know what he said. I just know I said yes. There was no other answer for me to give.

In September 2020, I walked down the aisle in our church, escorted by my first and second dad (Bob). It was that day our families were officially tied together. The miracle I never thought would happen, did.

I can say I have had two great (earthly) loves. One filled up my past. The other fills my present. I carry Clayton and Ricky with me in my heart. There’s no competition. There’s no need. There is Clayton. There is Ricky.

Nearly five years later, all of my boys adore their Daddy (Ricky). I don’t blame them; I do too. He brought the sunshine back into my life. He makes me laugh. And when life is heavy, he opens his arms and wraps me up and sits quietly with me. Some things cannot ever be fixed with words. Some things we carry with us forever.

The Goodness of God is written all over the place, all over my life. In the mountains, in the trees. In the faces of my babies. I feel the Goodness of God in the heaviest of times when He replaces anguish with peace. And I am forever thankful.