callmeloquacious

We just returned from a family vacation. Our vehicle stinks. Literally smells. That will happen after four boys all come down with some type of stomach sickness while on the road. “These are the Good ole Days,” is posted on a sign hanging in our living area. And it’s true, while I have no interest in reliving all of the particular events that occurred on this trip, the moments my little six pack has together are the good ole days.

My life is vastly different from the last time I was on here, the last time I wrote anything. I took a bit of a hiatus from … everything… as I regrouped, re-evaluated, and started the process of beginning again.

To explain it all in a way that makes sense, I’ll have to go back many years, and I’ll have to break it down into many posts. I’ve been writing soley in my mind for so long, it’s time i do this.

Clayton has been gone from this earth for almost six years. And while he’s absent, I never have to go far to see him. I look at my oldest boys’ faces and behaviors and I see him. After he left, everything was new and different. I read somewhere that after you lose a (spouse) you learn to live in the present, never looking too far ahead and never dwelling too far in the past. I try to do that. Remembering the good from yesterday. Trusting in God for tomorrow. Grief has no timeframe. No time limits. As my pastor and friend once told me, grief comes in waves. Sometimes the waves “bloop” over your feet almost like a non-event. Sometimes they knock you down, leaving you cold and breathless. I learned, especially in those first weeks and months to focus on “getting through” minute by minute. Otherwise making plans for tomorrow caused me to feel panicky and overwhelmed.

I met God in a new way. A way that showed His power and peace in a manner I had never experienced before. That peace has kept me. And despite the challenges I’ve encountered He is constantly present.

Today, February 2025, I’m living in Arkansas. I’m married to Ricky and we have four boys, ages 22 moths, 3 years, 5 and 6 years. Somedays I feel like I drive a crazy train. Life is messy and beautiful.

Come with me, and I’ll tell you my story.