callmeloquacious

This was originally posted when Hunter was almost 8 weeks old. Of course, things have changed since then, but there are a host of things that have not!

Although I’ve always understood and known it to be true, the reality of the statement, “The days are long but the years are short,” is resonating. Time is speeding by. Now that my full-time job is raising boys and keeping my house standing, I’m busier than ever.

I frequently look in the mirror, and the words, “hot mess,” run through my brain. It has become the norm on my “stay home days.” I rarely match, and my hair is usually pulled back in a half-hearted mess.

It can be easy to become overwhelmed by feelings of unworthiness and inadequacies. My little boys have been entrusted to me. How am I supposed to make a life for them, and make it a good? How do I spend quality time with each of them, and at the same time, do all the things- laundry, dishes, cleaning (did I mention laundry?). I do not want to just survive these days. I want to live to the fullest. I want to be a living example, that regardless of our hectic days or difficult circumstances, we can choose to live to the fullest.

I would like to say that since that since Hunter is now 6, and not 8 weeks old, I’ve had a major breakthrough. In someways yes. My concerns aren’t the same. Other times, that overwhelming feeling is still there. But I am learning. Learning to rely on what God says about and not just my own inner voice. I am learning to take a pause and regroup and start again. I’m finding that I am not alone. We all have “what now?” moments.

If we flash back to younger days when I was asked what I wanted to do when I grew up, the response I never gave was to be a wife and a mama. I was too afraid to answer truthfully, afraid that perhaps it wouldn’t happen for me. Afraid that perhaps God had another plan. Now that I am a wife and a mama, I realize I don’t want to spend all my days worrying, and comparing.

I feel like a fraud typing this as though I have it all figured out. I don’t. But what I do know is that God doesn’t intend for me, or anyone else to feel like a failure. His intentions are for me, for all of us, to remember what He has written about me and to walk in that truth.

I have a hope and a future- Jeremiah 29:11
I am wonderfully made- Psalm 139
I can do all things with God’s help- Philippians 4:13

While I still wonder how others manage to make it out the door without looking like they went through a windstorm, I’ll continue to take pride when I show up on time.

Much Love from this Tired (but overly blessed) Mama

*And yes, pretty sure that is chocolate around Burkley’s mouth